well i managed to add a really simple swipe to dismiss (without undo for the time being)
now for the bad news, recycler view doesn't like context menus and implementing them would be a horrible hack. additionally, context menus have other hacky problems, and are generally obsolete on android because of how undiscoverable they are. so the menu is dead.
anyway, just use the overflow 3-dot menu like the rest of the apps. and yes i understand it's slightly more annoying but, well, deal with it.gif
e: fucking finally it works like it should (1.197)